What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 15:05
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One cannot live in the past .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
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The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
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And i lived it daily.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
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I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Is it true that most Indian men are gay and they just hide their feelings?
I was 9 years of age.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
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Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I never cut or harmed myself..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
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Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We all went to grammer schools
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He resisted the act ,that day.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
What did i know ?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Comes on , in middle age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was in good health!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She married twice! .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But, we were locked up after school.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
My life is so biszare .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So whats the point in blame.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I said to her
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
This is soul school!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ive learnt so much.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why did i forgive my father ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My family never makes their pension either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I will be 64.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I could never make a relationship work though!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
When she asked me how she looked .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She found it foreign!.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We were not on the streets..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He knew the spot.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was scared of men, in general
Would this be the day?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Put me off passion for life!!
Who then, do I blame.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
All the time i was locked up.
So, i spoilt her more .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She wouldn,t have been !
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I have no regrets .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I don,t even have a pension.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She loved him until the end.
Im still living with it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was seconnd youngest,
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I think the readers, may guess!
I was very sick at this time too.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.